Friendship and trust can be compared to a home built on solid ground. Knocked down, those buildings will stand as weak as they seem. Nevertheless, deception presents itself as a mighty wrecking ball. As it knocks down the trust that friendship is built upon, it shatters hearts and promises. Making amends after shattering the trust of a loved one is no simple task. It takes plenty of courage to pick up the shattered pieces of what was. Just when you think you have put the puzzle back together, you look down only to notice there were pieces missing all along.
As discouraging as it may be to notice the missing pieces, you still can’t help but try to fill in those gaps. It’s a tricky road to travel, my friend, but if taken with the right steps and met head-on with the effort it deserves, you just may find yourself on the right path toward redemption. So grab your trusty tool belt because it’s time to rebuild those broken bonds, my friend. Read our in-depth insights on “How to Fix a Relationship You Ruined by Lying Over” to find smart techniques and hands-on development guidelines to restore a rapport you messed up through a lack of integrity.
Table of Contents
Fix A Relationship You Ruined By Lying Over: 16 Actionable Steps
- Acknowledge the damage done
Before I get into specifics, my friend, the first step in repairing a relationship damaged by deception is admitting to your wrongdoings.
Now you are asking yourself why? Why is this so important? Stand by, and let me try to break it down for you. When you acknowledge the hurt and pain you have caused, then you may also be giving your partner the impression that you realize just how much you actually hurt them. It’s almost like coming to terms with the situation and saying, “Hey, I do not mess up and I do not mind cleaning up this mess either, “as if this person is trying to rebuild the place you and trying to show that you ‘again, that you are not trying to hurt anyone and are only looking to heal their wounds.
According to the article, the disloyal partner reflects on her/his patterns and looks for ways in which she/he may have hurt her partner. The person being disloyal needs to ask herself/himself why he/she was unfaithful. This person also needs to ask him/herself how he/she would feel if the people he/she trusts most did these things to him/her. The person can assess how his/her actions affected his/her partner by putting herself/himself in their shoes. The person who was the betrayer should reflect on how it felt to lie or deceive their partner and the pain they inflicted on their partner based on their actions.
It is only by realizing the harmfulness and offering sincere apologies that the way for healing and restoration begins to be established.
- Take responsibility for your actions
Alright, people, here is the next step to approaching a person about a damaged relationship, and that is accountability. Yes, I know that isn’t easy for everyone, but definitely, if the relationship is being repaired, then accountability is what’s needed to rebuild that relationship.
This leaves you wondering how you can admit to the mistake(s) that you made. Well, fess up! Stop avoiding the subject or blaming others. Acknowledge your error and express remorse by admitting, “Yes, I am responsible for it, and I apologize.”
Seriously, mean it!
Second comes making amends. Actions speak louder than words; don’t forget. Make a plan to fix what you messed up and see it through. Whether it’s seeking out professional help, apologizing sincerely, or changing your ways, take the necessary steps to show that you’re serious about making a change.
Lastly, what were your intentions when you lied? Did you do it out of fear? Were you afraid of losing the friendship? Doing something selfish in the hope of improving your self-esteem? Recognizing why you did what you did can help you break that way of lying and be in a more honest, real relationship.
It is never easy, but it is also a necessary part of the healing process that must be taken seriously. So take a deep breath, be brave, and do what’s right.
- Offer a sincere apology
Okay, okay, here we go. I’m going to talk about step two of beginning to repair a damaged relationship caused by deception, which is offering a sincere apology. When it comes to apologizing, it isn’t just about saying the two tiny little words “I’m sorry,” but there are meaningful elements you might want to consider if you would like your apology to be genuine.
First, take responsibility and ensure that you understand the negative effects of your actions. Be empathetic and recognize the emotional distress your partner has been through. For example: “I’m truly sorry for breaking your trust in me and causing you so much pain. I know the damage I’ve done to your emotional state.”
Another thing you can write is to mention that you are sorry and genuinely regret it. Your spouse needs to understand that you are sorry and you wish you could take it back. You want to make choices that will move you closer together. Here is an example. First, apologize. Let your spouse know you’re sorry and that you really mean it. You want your spouse to know that you’re taking responsibility for your choices, and one way you do that is to express sincere remorse and offer a heartfelt apology. How about this example: I feel terrible for the pain I’ve caused you, and I want you to know that I am committed to doing everything I can to make it right
Last but not least, express what you are sorry for and how you will change so that the problem will not happen again. This would show that one took the time to really think about what they did and plan to do something different. For example, “I’m sorry I lied about where I was going, and I’m sorry I broke your trust. I will be an open book next time and will be 100% honest with you!
Apologies are not easy for anyone, and on top of that, you also need an apology. A good apology is more than words; it is a promise towards a change. An apology steps into a greater mystery: remorse. Remorse is the beginning of change; when you apologize, it shows that you have the empathy to relate to whoever feelings you hurt. So suck it up, be brave, and make an apology in sincerity.
- Allow yourself to be vulnerable
Friends, you have to remember that without vulnerability involved in mending a relationship damaged by deception, it will not work. Now, sometimes, it’s hard for us to be vulnerable. It puts us as an open target; it makes us real. But let me tell you – it is absolutely crucial in the process of building trust.
Our trust has been destroyed, and we have put up walls. However, if we want to heal the wounds and reconnect with our partner, we need to lower those walls and show our vulnerabilities. This is when we open up and share our feelings, when we are emotionally honest, and when we allow ourselves to be seen, flaws and all. Then, we have authenticity, and this is the ground for trust.
In sum, I encourage all of our dear readers to pursue vulnerability. Share your fears with your partner, express your pain, and reveal your struggles. Through being vulnerable, you afford your partner the chance to understand and support you. After all, the true connection comes from true honesty and true openness, so let those walls fall and let agility and vulnerability, as uncomfortable as they may feel, strengthen and heal your relationship.
- Practice active listening
Okay, gang, this is what I mean when I talk about actively listening to your partner in order to heal a relationship hurt by a secret: Active listening means more than just hearing the words your partner says; it understands your partner’s concerns, fears and where they are coming from. When we have been deceived, we have to let our partner feel safe by being able to disclose, unpack, and rationalize their emotions and concerns.
Alright, so how do we put this into practice? For starters, put on your listening ears! Show your conversational partner that you are completely engaged with their dialogue. Put away all distractions and put all of your focus on your partner. Secondly, provide verbal and non-verbal cues that you are actively listening to. Nod your head, maintain eye contact, and provide affirming responses such as “I see” or “I understand.” Do not interrupt or jump ahead with your own thoughts. Wait until your partner has finished speaking before you give your response.
Finally, ask open-ended questions to clarify and gain deeper insight. Show genuine curiosity about their thoughts and feelings. By actively listening, you create a space of understanding and empathy. Your partner will feel heard and validated, opening up the path for true healing and rebuilding of trust. So, let’s put those active listening skills into practice and create a foundation of open and honest communication in our relationships.
- Create a plan for change
Without further ado, the following is how you and these folks begin to create a plan for change. This stage contains vital information on taking action – which you know I love – on your way to sealing the deal.
Boy, it’s not enough for you to apologize and say, “I’ll change.” No, my friend, you got to create a plan. “Why?” Duolingo asks. It gives you direction and purpose. It helps you set specific goals and expectations for yourself.
I see it as a plan to rebuild trust and mend your relationship little by little. You might ask, what is a plan for change? Well, a plan of change is a goal or a list of things that could change your relationship. For example, think about what aspects of your relationship need improvement and what areas you can be honest with yourself about, and identify which behaviors or actions enabled the lying.
Set concrete, specific goals. Phrases like “be more trustworthy” or make “more ethical decisions” are too vague to be helpful. Instead, think about what actions specifically make a person trustworthy or ethical: keeping confidence, not taking homework supplies, for example. Then, carve out actual steps that you can take to reach your mini-goals. Write them down, and check in monthly or quarterly to see how you are doing. Find someone who can help keep you accountable.
It takes time and work, and it takes effort. So be patient with yourself and your track. Also, find ways to celebrate your small victories. Also, creating a plan for change shows that you are dedicated to change and growing in the relationship.
So, think about your goals, your action plan, and join me as we go together on the way to change.
- Be realistic and honest
Alright, my friends, let’s talk about the importance of being realistic and honest when it comes to repairing a relationship damaged by deception. Now, listen up because this step is all about setting clear expectations and boundaries.
When it comes to healing a broken relationship, it is important to be honest about what you can provide. That means no promises that you can’t keep. What you want to do is make reasonable commitments. Bend that line of communication and have a real conversation with each other about what you both can and can’t do.
Maintain transparency regarding your capabilities and limitations. It’s nice to say I can do this and that, but really get real with yourself. If they call you at 3 a.m. saying Baby, I left my keys in the car. Can you come out? It’s only eight minutes down the road. If you have to go get all dressed, do your hair and your make-up, and hope you see someone you know you’ve lied to. Look, if you know dang well, if you say you locked the door after locking the front door, you’re picking up the keys, why lie? Being honest with someone starts with being honest with yourself. Also, don’t kick yourself in the butt trying to do everything on the list at one time. Honey, you’ll see your name on those baby steps because people rush through them and fall flat on their faces every time. They don’t believe you haven’t been drinking. Can you drive to the store this one time since you’d be drinking, too? You’re trying to prove a point. I’ve been there, and no, I cannot afford to fight cases right now!
Setting realistic expectations results in satisfaction and builds a relationship that is stronger. So be honest and work together!
- Get support
Now, a very important thing you need to think about is getting some support for the repair of a relationship, and day-to-day actions will then be much less painful. Sometimes, it will become very hard on you or your relationship, and both of you will feel that it is not getting better. Listen to me because this one right here will make a big impact and hang up on really bad days because they will come. There is no way you will ever have an easy road, but you don’t have to go through that challenging walk by yourself.
Perhaps the most important thing you can remember is you’re not alone. You’ve got a team of people who love you, know you inside and out, and will NEVER turn their back on you, no matter how bad things get. These are the folks who can lend an ear when you need to download, rescue you when you’ve fallen flat on your ass (or need toilet paper at 2 in the am), and provide the emotional support and love necessary when you’re going through hell. Never be afraid to reach out to your trusted tribe of friends and family – they’ll always have your back and will do anything they can to help.
My friends, as I told you before, it takes a village to rebuild a relationship, so don’t be afraid to lean on your tribe; use them to bounce your thoughts and feelings off, ask them for guidance, and lean on them when you most need it.
We are tougher than this and can get through the storm. So, go out and find your support team, my friends. You got this!
- Practice self-forgiveness
Ladies and gentlemen, let’s get into the signal strength of self-forgiveness in the healing process when it comes to how to fix a relationship you ruined by lying over. Now, jot these words down. This right is key for your growth process and the victory over trust during a want to put back together.
Self-forgiveness, my friends, is really nothing more than releasing yourself from the burden of guilt and moving toward self-acceptance because, as I have learned, so long as you maintain the blame and guilt that you have for being a victim, you will never be free to prosper, you have to let it go and give yourself permission to heal.
Now, how can we practice a little self-forgiveness? You imported to first realize that you screwed up and take responsibility for your actions. We all screw up sometimes; yah feel me? And that’s okay; it’s all part of the coming-of-age process of a human being. Importantly, cut out that guilty feeling. Everyone hates that guilty feeling, right? Allow yourself some time to recover and acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes since it’s part of being human. Finally, learn from your mistakes. Take the not-so-great feeling you felt after you realized what you did, and use that as your last reason why you won’t make the same mistake twice and as a stepping stone to personal growth.
And finally, be gentle and kind to yourself. Treat yourself the way you would treat someone you love- with a little kindness and understanding. Remember, my friends, forgiveness does not mean you are saying that what you did was okay; it means that you are giving yourself a chance to grow and heal so you can do better the next time. So, drop the judgment, my friends, and tell yourself that you are doing the best that you can. Let’s keep moving forward on this wonderful journey of healing and transformation.
- Enhance communication skills
Okay, kids. Now, let’s have a little talk about why it is important to become a better communicator when you are trying to repair a relationship that’s been on a date with deception. Like, open your ears because this step is all about improving your ability to connect with your boo thing in a deeper way.
Communication is very important in a relationship and helps to maintain a healthy one. It is very important to repair a damaged relationship. Where do we begin? There are many resources available to improve your communication as a couple.
You can find articles, books, and videos with tips and strategies for communicating effectively. Some websites list procedures or strategies you can use to help you talk with a partner. Active listening, “I” statements, and empathy will all help improve your communication skills.
Do not forget, my friends, that it is not just about saying things; it is also about how you relate to people in terms of your body language, your tone of voice, your receptivity and accessibility, etc. This being said, try to improve the things that I am specifying; don’t be absent from conversations; take part in them!!!
When you have effective communication skills, you will be able to build mutual trust, understand each other better and create a better relationship. Now, my friends, let’s work on our communication skills and a relationship will never be broken in the first place.
- Establish healthy boundaries
It is very important to establish boundaries when it comes to fixing a relationship ruined by deception. This step is critical and if you plan on properly making up with your ex, pay close attention!
People. Setting boundaries is essential in any relationship, whether it’s with a friend or a partner. The physical and emotional walls can help us stay connected and communicative. Establishing boundaries that are comfortable for both parties might seem like a trial-and-error process, but it’s worth it in the end. So where, you might be wondering, do those much-needed boundaries come into play? It all starts with an open and honest conversation. Sit down with your significant other and have a chat. Find out what makes them tick, what ticks them off, and where they’re most comfortable when it comes to both subjects.
But here’s the key people, once you’ve set those boundaries, you must honor them. We’re all humans and make mistakes, but learning from those mistakes means we must adapt our behavior and respect those boundaries. And let’s not forget, people, that boundaries work both ways. We must show respect for our partner’s boundaries, just as we expect them to show respect for ours.
Whenever you establish and live by healthy boundaries, you build up an environment that is safe for both partners and the relationship to grow. Open those lines of communication, set those limitations, and now let’s rebuild.
- Rebuild trust and intimacy
Let us now move on to the tough, but pivotal, job of rebuilding trust and intimacy when the foundation of your relationship has been damaged by deception. This is key, so pay attention. It’s important for you to work patiently to rebuild the faith your partner had in your relationship and to regain their confidence in you.
Trust and intimacy are good building blocks for a healthy relationship, so it’s better to fix them. They don’t just instantly get fixed one day; it takes time. Trust isn’t built overnight, like I just said, so once that’s damaged, you’re going to have to gain that trust back one percent, show them that you’re different, and tell them the truth about the resolution, and hopefully they won’t be so upset anymore.
Communicate your trustworthiness with others through words and actions. Be open and honest, and do not hide or omit any information. Remember, you are building trust one brick at a time.
Also, let’s think about intimacy. And not just physical intimacy. Emotional intimacy is so important. The ability to be vulnerable and talk with each other about everything and anything. Show empathy and be authentically kind to that person in that moment.
So my advice to you, my frustrated, hurting wrecks of hearts, is this: It should be. It must be a fact of life that couples do not drift apart. It should be a commitment for life when two people marry. Getting beyond the so-called betrayals can be the hardest part of rebuilding trust. Do not rush this. Take your time. Rebuilding trust takes energy, commitment and consistency. So be in this for the long haul. Okay, you two! You have the capability. You two are two of the most successful BEINGS that can take charge of this. You two are a POWERHOUSE.
- Prioritize quality time together
My compadres (yes, I considered saying this in Spanish, but I thought there might be some youngsters out there who weren’t familiar with this one), let’s talk about the importance of making time for each other when it comes to learning how to reconcile after deception. Now listen up, this is where we start reconnecting and rebuilding that bond with Mr. or Mrs. Deception. Life can get crazy, and sometimes we just don’t give our relationships the attention they need. You’re going to have to make time for this one, folks.
It’s about those moments of connection that strengthen the bond you already have. So, what does that look like? You truly can do whatever makes your couple’s connection shine! Plan a romantic dinner date, snag away for the weekend, or just cuddle on the couch with a favorite movie. The goal is to be engaged in your activity and enjoy each other!
Also, you are not being rewarded for the number of words you write; all you have is what we talk about and mean. Like stated earlier, you need to listen to what your partner is saying as well. Don’t just hear words; look into what he or she is saying. This shows you’re your spouse and that you’re really involved and take interest in what they say. This right here will relieve the pain caused by the deception a lot faster than the previous item talked about. This item brings your relationship closer than it has ever been, I think.
- Practice patience and resilience
I’d like to discuss the importance of patience and sticking with repairing a relationship that has been damaged by deception.
Please, please hear this crucial point. Patience is one virtue that is sure to fit that role. It takes time to gain trust and to heal a broken heart. Don’t rush the progress. Whether you make or don’t make your decision to stay in the relationship, it will take time, so reflect on what you want to do. Do not try to rush and get to the marriage proposal; that will only create another path for more heartache throughout your life. Don’t even date again, for that matter! Take some time off, read a good book, go to the gym, go shopping, and go hunting. My point is to just have some time and relax.
Healing and rebuilding a relationship will not take place overnight, but you can get there through perseverance. Here’s the thing, folks — you guys are going to hit some bumps along the way. This is where being resilient will come in. Stick with it and pick yourself up after facing whatever challenge comes your way.
What matters the most is keeping the course, even when everything else around you makes you want to give up. Remember friends, a relationship is a journey and has a couple bumps along the way, but if you keep with it and get through to the other side of the bumps, you will be great.
In light of this, let us hold on to hope. Let us have the strength to keep on keeping on. We got this, ya’ll!
- Focus on personal and collective growth
Now, let’s talk about how important it is to focus on growth, personally and collectively, when attempting to repair a relationship after deception.
This step is all about becoming the best versions of ourselves. I like to call personal growth the fertilizer for your relationship. It’s how we learn, evolve, and become better individuals and partners.
The bottom line is, what can you do? Well, my friend, now is the time to spend with you. Start that hobby, chase that dream, or take that class you pretend to be interested in. By becoming a better you, you ultimately become a better us.
And here is the kicker, my friends: this is not a one way road. Encourage your significant other to constantly grow and improve as a person and on their own path as well. Cheer each other on. This will make you both not only an amazing couple but an unstoppable couple that continues to grow and encourage each other endlessly.
So let us make commitments today: to ourselves, to one another, to our cities and small towns, to America, and to the world. And in doing so, as our relationship grows, as we welcome a little chaos and recognize inevitable restrictions, we will watch. We will watch as our relationship blooms.
- Consider relationship counseling
Now let’s discuss some of the possible choices of whether or not to add relationship counseling to the scenario of rebuilding the relationship from the act of deception, and when I say listen up, because this part can be key to whether or not your relationship lasts.
Moreover, professional counseling can be greatly helpful for you and your partner. It provides a safe and supportive environment for both of you to work through your troubles and regain trust and love. Professional counseling focuses on gaining a deeper understanding of yourself, your partner, and your relationship, as well as on learning effective communication and conflict resolution skills.
Now this is where it really gets to be worth it because a qualified relationship counselor can offer you very customized how-to strategies that are unique to your particular situation. So how do you go about finding a qualified relationship counselor? Well, my friend, start by finding licensed counselors near you. Go to their website and check out their credentials, history and approach before committing.
And remember, my friends, don’t forget that going to therapy is a really brave thing to do because it shows your commitment to fixing the relationship and your bond with the other person. So let’s ponder the idea of relationship therapy, my friends, and get that professional support we’ve been needing.
So, let’s wrap up and recapitulate all the key takeaways from this masterpiece article on rebuilding a broken relationship, and make no mistake about it, you all; these are the nuggets you don’t want to miss. We’ve touched on 16 steps you can take that are conceptual, tactical, and adaptable for you to heal and recover your relationship. And whether it’s looking personally within yourself or collectively within your relationship, whether it’s hiring a relationship coach or a therapist to support you, whether it’s syndicating the right community with your trusted tribe, these steps are just metaphorical building blocks in the home. So, my friends, it is now time to take action. Do not come up with an idea in your mind for just now and toss it off, switch it on, and say, “Okay, now how do I rebuild this relationship from the ground up?” Because, remember, y’all, change is hard. But change is really fun, and growth is really cool. You have the power to do what you can to reverse that damage and create a stronger, more loving relationship, and I hope you all do that. So, go get it.